lust by susan minot

first of all, i want to say that i pity the girl. i once said she had free will, but i don't think now that it's a valid argument. indeed, there are times when we lose ourselves in something, and when that happens, we lose our senses and we move like intractable fluid, going wherever, moving toward particularly nothing. and knowing that such, for me at least, is a fact of life, i say that we really cannot readily say that the person is a total slut. we know what she was doing is generally not good. you know, offering all of herself to different people, although not in a promiscuous way. i think she needed an ear that would listen. heck, the girl just longed to be loved. she's desperate, actually. she thought sex was going to lead her to the right one. but she still hadn't met the right one. and almost after every single time after she would have sex, she would shrivel up and feel like a tiny creature in a hellhole. i feel for her, really. it's so sad that after feeling bad in the aftermath of a sometimes meaningless frolicking, she would again wake up with a deep longing for real love. this girl needed control. she would bend easily. she needed wood in her soul. plus, she needed to love herself. in her search for true love, she really did forget to love herself, or even look for love inside herself.

this reminded me of what i heard from one tree hill, the show: oftentimes, sex is just a one-time, one-dimensional thing for a guy, something to give them instant pleasure and fun without having anything taken away from them. but for a girl, it is, and it always will be, twofold.